


things i knew when i was young

by mjolnirbreaker



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Do Not Ship Steve With Kids, Fluff, Gen, Hero Worship, Innocent One-Sided Childhood Crush, Internalized Homophobia, Self-Acceptance, Sexuality Crisis, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjolnirbreaker/pseuds/mjolnirbreaker
Summary: It’s not unheard of to make people from real life appear in the game. But it’s always obvious, both to Mike and the rest of them, and at that person’s expense. Never once has Mike included someone they actually like. Never once has Mike called someone they know, aguythey know, handsome.The fact that it’s Steve makes this doubly shocking.





	things i knew when i was young

**Author's Note:**

> this fic contains a very one-sided innocent childhood hero crush and anyone who Actually ships steve with any of the children needs to 1. close this immediately and 2. perish!
> 
> that being said this was really fun to write and project my childhood experiences onto. i didnt edit so sorry for any mistakes!!! and thank u as always to em my perfect butterfly for reading this ily (follow her on tumblr @discosteves and read her fics on here @floralathena
> 
> if u wanna talk im on tumblr @bi-harrington

“It was reckless endangerment!”

“It was _one second_ and the car was at a _red light.”_

“One second is the difference between life or death, Steve.”

Will sometimes feels bad for Steve. Without really being asked or expected to, he’s taken it upon himself to chauffer the entire party around wherever they need (or want, really) to go with his spiked baseball bat in the trunk just in case he needs to switch from personal driver to personal monster killer. He has their usual shake orders memorized for routine stops at Dairy Queen, he lets them destroy his living room for movie nights, and he somehow knows when to bring up certain past events and when to pretend they never happened. 

All that effort and goodness and care just for Mike to absolutely destroy him for closing his eyes at a red light and not immediately opening them again when it turned green. 

“Remember when you all hijacked a car and drove it with no license at probably, like, ninety down dark streets without the headlights on? But we’re suddenly about safe driving? Not that I was even practicing unsafe driving by _closing my eyes at a stoplight_ \--”

“That was an emergency and _I_ was against it initially.”

Will opens the pantry and surveys the options. Usually for D&D they all contribute snacks but today is an impromptu meeting. The party is deeply invested in a mission to find who killed Lord Halcyon and Will can actually feel Mike’s anticipation for them to figure it out. Unfortunately for him, they’re not doing so well. Dustin and Lucas are both dangerously low on health and they were about to walk straight into combat at the end of the last session. 

They’ll need popcorn. Will takes two packages out, considers the stress level of this upcoming session, and grabs a third. Mike has already pulled a bowl from the cabinet and holds it out to Will while he continues to berate Steve for something that Will can’t believe they’re still talking about. 

“I’m telling Hopper.” He declares. Steve rolls his eyes from where he’s positioned against the sink. 

“Hopper has seen me blackout drunk and he still trusts me with you brats so I’m willing to bet he’ll be unimpressed by your very loose definition of being asleep at the wheel.”

Will knows Steve wasn’t asleep at the wheel. Mike also definitely knows that the seven seconds it took for Steve to open his eyes again and press the accelerator does not count as actually being asleep at the wheel. Mike just absolutely loves harassing Steve for whatever he can get his hands on.   
Usually Steve participates but today his responses seem half-hearted. Will leans his elbows against the counter and watches Steve yawn for what has to be the hundredth time since picking them up. He wonders what Steve’s nightmares are like. 

“Is your brother home?” Steve asks him suddenly, smiling when he realizes Will was already scrutinizing him. He’s always telling Will that being observant is a good thing and that it’s a Byers gene he should value. He says it’s why Jonathan is a good photographer. Jonathan say it’s because of lens settings. 

“I think so, yeah. He might be asleep because he has work later.”

“Shit.” Steve drags a hand over his face. “If both of us are asleep you’ll all probably like, summon a demon or something I don’t know.”

“You can sleep.” Will assures him, hoping he’ll actually listen because there are light purple circles under his eyes and if he doesn’t sleep soon he might actually crash his car later tonight. “I’ll be in charge. And we don’t have any candles so we couldn’t summon anything anyways.” 

Steve chuckles and reaches across the counter to thoroughly mess Will’s hair up. Mike watches with the scrunched up expression he always has when Steve is affectionate with one of them, pretending to be disgusted. When the microwave beeps Steve straightens up, retrieves the overflowing bowl of popcorn, and delivers it to where everyone else has established the usual D&D set-up around the coffee table. 

Will takes his place at one end of the table between Dustin and Lucas. One benefit of hosting D&D most of the time is having his character sheet and dice set at the ready. He skims his sheet, trying to remember where the added twenty gold from last session came from (usually he adds a note to keep this forgetting from happening but it had been a hectic session) when Steve snaps his fingers for their attention. 

“I’m napping.” He announces. “Will is in charge. If you need something wake me up, not Jonathan.”

“We definitely won’t go through your wallet.” Mike says while he flips through the dungeon guide. 

“You’d be stealing your own dinner money.” Steve replies as he’s already retreating down the hall. The moment they all hear Jonathan’s bedroom door shut, everyone leans forward with their elbows on the coffee table, charged with potential energy that’s been building all day until they could have this moment of privacy.

“Mike, is it true that Steve and Jonathan and Nancy had a date at your house last night?” Lucas looks more scandalized by this than last week when they found out that their math teacher’s week long absence is possibly because she was caught cheating on her husband.

“Ew, no!” Mike’s entire body seems to tense at the suggestion. “They like, ate pizza at the kitchen table instead of the couch like freaks and then watched movies. That’s not a date.”

“That’s totally a date.” Max decides. Will doesn’t know much about dating, but he sort of agrees based on his knowledge of his own brother. There was a time when Jonathan didn’t really hang around anyone and now _all_ he does is hang around Steve and Nancy. In a lot of ways it’s weird. Will never knew three people could be in a relationship at once, or that Jonathan and Steve Harrington could ever hold hands and not die from it, but it seems to be working out pretty well. Jonathan seems happy. Steve and Nancy seem happy too. If Jonathan is willing to watch Police Academy, which Will has on good authority they watched last night, it’s a date. He wouldn’t do that for just friends.

“Aw, Mike it’s okay if you don’t know anything about romance. El doesn’t either.” 

“She has a pretty good excuse though.”

“Shut up, oh my God.”

“Oh, is this why you’re bullying Steve particularly hard today?” Dustin asks, sounding like this is an incredible epiphany. “You’re grossed out that he got his romance all over your house?”

“Can we please just play!” Mike exclaims. He makes eye contact with Will from the opposite end of the table, eyes wide and desperate enough for Will to nod and make a show of spilling the dice from their tiny drawstring holding bag. 

Everyone settles down and shifts into campaign mode. Will abruptly remembers that the gold is from looting the dead bodies of other travelers who attempted to face the monster currently holed up in the very cave they just entered. Will the Wise is lawful good, so he wasn’t exactly comfortable with that act. Dustin’s chaotic good bard insisted that they could use these resources to better prepare for the slaughter of the monster and eventually avenge the dead. Max continued to depict the most impressive display of true neutrality that Will has ever seen by asserting that dead people can’t spend gold anyway, so it was owned by no one. 

Aside from the gold, which is useless in battle anyways, Will the Wise isn’t feeling very prepared for this upcoming monster fight. Even if Will now faces fictional monsters with a sort of relieved happiness that they are, in fact, fictional, he doesn’t want Will the Wise to die. And with Lucas and Dustin both low on health plus Max’s proficiency in skills that won’t necessarily help in battle like charisma and pick-pocketing, Will needs to step it up here. 

Ten minutes into the battle, it’s clear that Will isn’t doing great at stepping it up. His rolls are consistently low and he’s beginning to exhaust the possible spells that might even be helpful against a Kobold. 

“You’ve already cast fire storm, remember?” 

“Shit, shit, shit.”

“Okay.” Mike holds out a hand to stop the oncoming panic. “I need everyone to roll for initiative.”

_“Now?”_

“Yes, now. This could work out well for you.”

Miraculously they all get above a twelve. Will looks down at his seventeen and prays whatever this awards him is better than if he had rolled this five minutes ago when wasting his one usage of fire storm. 

“Alright. Max, you still have your sword at the ready while the Kobold towers over you. Its back is to the cave opening, completely blocking out any escape route. It’s either further back into the cave or a strike from its sharpened red claws, which are bigger than your head.”

“My head can’t be that big anyways.”

“When all the sudden,” Mike lowers his voice, they lean in, “it falters. You look upwards just in time to see it rear its head back and howl in pain, a sound so loud and horrible it makes your ears ring. The beast is suddenly unsteady, taking an enormous step backward on a leg which gives out immediately. Dustin, roll for dexterity.”

“Shit uhh,” a clatter against the table, “fifteen plus two modifier!” 

“You manage to scramble out of the way just in time to avoid being crushed by the Kobold’s body, which crashes down and makes the entire cave reverberate. You can see the sunlight from outside again. The beast twitches but does not move. In the space where it once loomed there’s a silhouette of a man.”

Will is caught off guard. Usually Mike doesn’t let them off this easy unless it’s _really_ dire, like all of them low on health and completely out of spells dire. Max still has nearly full health and an entire sheath of arrows to work through and Will still had a couple spells to try. They probably wouldn’t have helped much, but still. 

NPCs don’t usually save them in circumstances like this. Maybe an occasional favor or pearl of advice, sure, but never slaying an entire monster for them. In a world of useless NPCs, the party depends on themselves for survival. That’s just how it is.

Will glances at Lucas and Dustin, who seem similarly surprised. Lucas glances down at his character sheet to most likely assess how well he’ll fare in a combat session against this newcomer who very well could betray them within seconds. 

“You all watch in silence as he unearths a mace from the Kobold’s leg. It comes away with blood on each spike, gleaming red in the sunlight and indicating an impressively deep wound. He’s taller and broader than all of you and is adorned with the silver armor you saw in the shop at Wernicke’s.”

“Oh shit, the really expensive set?”

“The very same.” Mike confirms. “You immediately get the feeling that this stranger is well supplied with gold. Aside from that, all you can discern is that he has an undeniably human face, handsome with an expression that you feel you can trust. He looks at you and awaits a conversation.”

Will looks at Dustin and Lucas and Max, alarmed. Lucas also looks alarmed. Dustin and Max both look like they’re about to laugh but are carefully concealing this. Mike looks neutral, casual, like this is normal and he’s done it before. 

And, okay, he’s sort of done it before. Every jerk that’s ever shoved them around at school has made an appearance to usually die of the plague or just be a dead body. Coach Owens appeared as a painfully stupid troll who they had to chisel answers out of. Billy Hargrove was a wannabe outlaw who Max killed with her first ever bow and arrow and didn’t stop smiling about for the rest of that session. 

It’s not unheard of to make people from real life appear in the game. But it’s always obvious, both to Mike and the rest of them, and at that person’s expense. Never once has Mike included someone they actually like. Never once has Mike called someone they know, a _guy_ they know, handsome. 

The fact that it’s Steve makes this doubly shocking. 

“Uh, what’s his name?” Lucas asks cautiously. 

“Why are you asking _me?”_ Mike seems genuinely confused at Lucas’ amateur mistake and oh God he really doesn’t realize. He really doesn’t know. He has no clue that he inserted Steve into their game and made him a dashing hero. 

Lucas looks away from Mike to look at Will. Then everyone is looking at Will because apparently being in charge also means being in charge of _this._ Mike looks vaguely confused that no one is jumping on the opportunity to talk to their new savior. Will needs to be very careful about this. 

He pretends to reach for a handful of popcorn and promptly knocks his glass of water over. 

“Aw man.” He immediately regrets the way it comes out, far too casual and not at all surprised. Before Mike can notice that or comment on it, Will stands quickly and blurts, “Lucas, Dustin, Max I need help getting paper towels.”

They’re in the kitchen before Mike can protest. 

“It’s Steve!” Dustin whisper-yells the moment they’re out of earshot. “Right? I’m not crazy right?”

“It’s definitely Steve.” Max nods. 

“He doesn’t seem to, um, know? And he called him--”

“Handsome.”

“What does it _mean?”_

Will knows what it means. Maybe none of them do because they haven’t ever stayed awake at night and wondered if they were the only person on Earth who somehow got something so crucial mixed up in their head. They probably haven’t felt like looking at a boy in class for a few seconds in passing interest is the same as concealing a murder weapon under the desk. They probably haven’t had a role model who blurs the line between aspiring to _be_ them and aspiring to be _with_ them. 

For Will, it was Captain America. Maybe a little bit depressing that it’s no one real, but either way Will very vividly remembers being ten years old and hiding under the covers with a flashlight to read comics. Except he wasn’t really reading them. He was just _looking._ Looking at Captain America’s jaw and wondering. Looking at the page where Captain America announced that every American citizen deserved to be treated equal and thinking that everyone included him. 

If someone had come into the room and ripped Will’s covers off and shouted to the entire world that he was looking at Captain America instead of sleeping, Will would have died. He might still die, even if in his head he’s basically sorted out that he likes boys the same way Lucas likes Max or the way he _thought_ Mike liked Eleven. 

Actually, Mike does like Eleven that way. Will is pretty certain that it can’t be faked. Maybe the fact that Steve likes boys and girls is what makes him even more deserving of slaying a Kobold for Mike. 

“I think maybe he’s reliving the Upside Down.” Will says carefully, slowly. They all look at him, listening intently. “Think about it. You guys were all in the tunnels with Steve, right? And when he was in front of you, you felt safe right?”

“Yeah.” Dustin nods enthusiastically. 

“So maybe Mike is trying to remember that. We all get scared sometimes when we think about it and he’s trying to remember the good parts. The safe parts. And Steve is just part of that.”

They seem convinced. Because to them, the actual conclusion isn’t so easily drawn. Will knows none of them would begrudge it, they just don’t see it. And this explanation does make sense, it could very well be true in some ways, but Will knows. He knows. 

Everyone looks at each other for a few seconds and seems to telepathically agree that they will not address Mike’s weird coping mechanism. They all grab paper towels and return to the living room, where Mike is preoccupied with pouring over the dungeon manual to question why it took so long to gather the necessary supplies to clean up one glass of spilled water. 

Will begins to relax again. And then, ten minutes in and after a good while of smooth sailing, Dustin says, 

“Would Steve be willing to part with some of his sick armor?”

Will almost drops his water for real this time. Lucas and Max share a conspiratory look that says they’re going to corner Dustin in the kitchen later and knock him on the head. Dustin instantly looks like he knows he deserves the knocks on the head. 

“Steve?” Mike echoes. 

“Uh, yeah, I don’t know why I said Steve. I guess that’s just who I, uh, associated him with but--”

 _“Why?”_ There’s a steadily growing flush over Mike’s cheeks that he probably isn’t aware of. “He’s not anything like Steve!”

“Yeah, no, you’re right.”

“Just because of the mace? Because a mace isn’t even close to the stupid bat, they just both have spikes! And Steve could _never_ kill a Kobold, he couldn’t even win against Billy!”

“That wasn’t his fault.” Max cuts in immediately. Will knows this is very very very bad because Max sounds scarily calm the same way she did when Ethan Fielder “accidentally” banged into Lucas on the way to the bus two weeks ago. That had ended with Ethan’s nose bleeding. 

Will does not want to be in charge right now. 

“I’m just saying.” Mike insists, still red.

“Well you can ‘just say’ it without bringing _that_ up.”

“You guys are the ones bringing Steve up in the first place!”

“And that was so my bad, dude, seriously, it doesn’t even matter it’s dumb--”

“What’s so wrong with Steve anyway?” Max demands, leaning forward. “Saving all of our lives wasn’t enough for you? How about being the only reason we ever get to hang out with Eleven anywhere other than Hopper’s weird tiny cabin? Or the only reason we don’t have to ride our bikes in the dark and look over our shoulders? How about making your sister happy?”

Mike has been looking displeased, to say the least, throughout all of this. But the mention of Nancy makes him look like he’s been slapped. The one-percent of doubt in his theory instantly leaves Will’s mind. 

“That’s--” Mike’s eyes momentarily dart to Will, desperate, before going back to glare at Max. “I don’t even--”

“Hey, dipshits.” They all flinch when Steve’s voice, slightly weighted with lingering sleep, cuts through the thick band of tension like a knife. He’s leaning against the corner, his hair tumbling slightly over his eyes and a thin crease from an obvious pillow imprint cutting across his cheek. “There’s people trying to sleep in here. What’s with the yelling?”

No one speaks for a moment. Will looks at Mike, who’s taken to glaring at the carpet instead of glaring at Max. He thinks Dustin might be about to make up an excuse for the yelling and a lighthearted way to ensure it doesn’t happen again when Mike suddenly stands, grabs his things hastily, and retreats towards the front door. 

“I’m walking home.” 

The remaining traces of sleep leave Steve’s face almost immediately as he sharpens to attention, alarmed. “Wheeler? It’s cold out.”

Mike doesn’t respond. He walks steadfast toward the door and Steve is already two steps in to following him before Will stands and beats him to it.   
“I’m in charge, remember?” Will says hastily, hoping it’s a good enough signal that Steve should stay inside. It does the trick because Steve steps back toward the hallway despite the worry crease between his eyebrows. 

Will hurries out the front door, ready to jog down the street if he needs to. But Mike is actually just at the end of the driveway. Sitting facing the street, his shoulders hunched up to his ears, his knees pulled to his chest. Will joins him and wishes the concrete wasn’t so cold. 

They don’t say anything for a good minute. Will knows he’s the only one allowed to even get this far, as he always is when Mike is upset about something. Even with his position as the calm, good-at-listening friend who’s allowed to be around when there’s a hurricane raging, he needs to choose his next words carefully. Otherwise the hurricane could wipe him off the map. 

“You know Captain America Essentials volume three?” He asks. In his periphery he can see Mike nod.

“The one about the Secret Empire?”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite issue.”

“It’s pretty good.”

“I used to stay up and read it every night. I knew Mom would be mad if she caught me but I didn’t really care. I never thought he was my favorite superhero until that issue and then I couldn’t stop thinking about him and just feeling--feeling _good_ when I read it.”

He hears Mike draw in a deep breath. Someone else might not have gotten the point. Someone less smart or less familiar with the exact feeling Will is describing. But Mike is both. 

“I’m not supposed to.” He says simply. 

“Why not?” Will asks, trying to deploy what he’s been telling himself for years now to get Mike at the same finish line. It’s hard. He knows how hard it is. “You’re not hurting anybody. There’s people who kidnapped El when she was a baby. People who killed Bob. People who wanted to kill me too, you know? All those people just in Hawkins and I just think that, like, if there’s people like _that_ doing things like _that_ then why does it matter? There’s all these people doing such bad things and getting away with it while you’re doing the opposite of a bad thing and punishing yourself for it. It’s dumb.”

Mike hugs him very suddenly and very fiercely. It’s been awhile since they’ve hugged. Maybe since the gate closed. Will hugs back and closes his eyes and enjoys it. He’s missed it. 

“He really is annoying though. He falls asleep when he’s driving.” Mike says tearfully against Will’s shoulder. 

“Well,” Will hums, “Captain America’s shield is really impractical. It’s so small.”

They take twenty minutes to recover. They sit at the edge of the driveway, shivering, while Mike tries to put it into words and Will listens. He says he didn’t even know the character was Steve. He says he probably needs to kill him off now but he doesn’t want to. He says it was definitely a date last night. 

Will nods. They go back inside. 

Steve has apparently given up on sleep and straightens up on the couch the moment the door opens. He gives Will a look that asks if everything is okay and if he needs to do anything because he so will. Will gives him a nod that says everything is okay and he doesn’t need to do anything other than maybe refill the popcorn bowl. Steve does that. 

Max holds her fist out like someone who has it figured out now. Will figures she does. She’s smart. Mike knocks his fist against her’s and mumbles something that Will misses but that he can assume is an apology based on the way Max rolls her eyes and shrugs one shoulder. 

Jonathan emerges from the hallway the same moment Steve returns from the kitchen. 

“Oh, good.” Jonathan says while he rubs one eye. “I thought I hallucinated you for a second.”

“Aw, you do that often?” Steve drops a kiss on his shoulder while he brushes past, setting the popcorn down on the coffee table. Will watches Mike’s expression as he takes that interaction in. He looks wistful, a little aching, but also there’s something hopeful in his eyes. 

Something peaceful.


End file.
